Signing an obituary guestbook is an opportunity to show support to the deceased’s family or share a special message with your loved one who has passed. But during times of grieving, while emotions are whirling, finding the right words to say can be tough. So whether you’re feeling stuck or just want a little advice on an appropriate message to send, we’re here for you.

Let’s go over the ins and outs of signing an obituary guestbook, examples of what you could write, and what you should leave out. Throughout the process, be patient with yourself and know that there are no perfect words to express how you feel.

How Online Obituary Guestbooks Are Reinventing Traditions

Traditionally, the attendees of a funeral sign a guestbook with their name and relationship to the person who’s passed so that the grieving family can have a record of all the guests. Now that online memorial services have become more common, the tradition is beginning to change–some people still choose to use a traditional funeral register.

An online obituary guestbook works in a similar way to a funeral register but with more flexibility. You are welcome to simply write your name and relationship to the deceased, or you can write a thoughtful message. Just keep in mind that if you don’t know the family well or have a strained relationship with the deceased person, you need to be cautious of what you say. The messages in the obituary guestbook shouldn’t hurt the family in any way.

Preparing to Write

Take Your Time

When the digital guestbook becomes available to sign, don’t rush yourself to come up with a message. Take your time, collect your thoughts, and then draft a message. Grieving makes it hard to put words to our emotions, so give yourself a few days to think through what you want to say and how you want to say it.

Reflect On the Person

A great exercise to do before writing your message is to reflect on your relationship with the person who’s passed. Write down some of the memorable times you shared together and the moments that you feel defined who he or she was. Consider the exercise as a helpful tool to get through the grieving process.

Get Ideas from Others

In this article, we’re going to give you several ideas of what to write and examples to replicate. But don’t hesitate to ask friends and family members who have experience writing messages in an online guestbook. If you have a few ideas for messages to write, get an opinion on them. Just having a little moral support will help you during the writing process.

What to Write in an Obituary Guestbook

What you write in the guestbook is completely up to you. The message can be one sentence or a lengthy tribute. Let’s look at a few ideas to help you decide on what to write.

• Short Condolences
• Tributes
• Memorable Moments/Inside Jokes
• Quotes from Poems, Books, and Scripture

Short Condolences

A short and sweet message offering condolences to the grieving family would be a wonderful option for the guestbook, especially if you didn’t have a close relationship with the deceased. Your condolences can be as short as just one sentence, but make sure it comes across as sincere, supportive, and thoughtful. Avoid writing general comments, such as “Rest in peace.” Write an original message that comes from the heart.

Examples:

John was an incredible person to be around, and he will be deeply missed.

I was devastated to hear about Sam’s passing. We are praying for everyone in the family.

No words can express our sorrow for you and your family. We are always here for you during these trying times. Sending love and prayers.

Tributes

For those who were close to the deceased person, you could consider writing a tribute to his or her life. The tribute could be the length of a paragraph or a full page. Ultimately the message is for you, the deceased, and the grieving family, so don’t worry about tailoring your message for other people who may be reading it; however, you should be aware that your message will not be private.

If you choose to write a tribute, share what the person meant to you. The purpose of writing a tribute isn’t to echo the obituary but to highlight the amazing things about the person from your perspective.

Example:

Jane was a person I could always count on. When we first met during the second semester of our freshman year, I knew she was special. No matter what we did or where we went, Jane always had a smile on her face–even on the day our apartment bathroom flooded. Watching her grow into a remarkable woman didn’t just inspire me but everyone that knew her. Now that Jane is gone, it’s her positivity, encouragement, and dedication that I’ll always remember–and, of course, her smile.  

Memorable Moments

You don’t have to write a full tribute to share a special moment you had with the deceased. Consider writing a few sentences (or just one if you can fit it all) about a meaningful memory. The moment you share can be funny, personal, or inspiring. Whatever you write, make sure it’s appropriate for others to read.

Examples:

I’ll never forget our long walks around the neighborhood, especially the day we got stuck in a downpour and treated ourselves to a cup–or two–of hot chocolate. Those are the things I’ll miss most.

Reflecting on all the times you made me laugh with your impressions. Thanks for the memories.

Quote from Poems, Books, and Scripture

Sometimes the right words to express how you feel have already been said. Writing a quote from a poem, book, or scripture is a wonderful way to convey your feelings or condolences. Avoid using quotes from scripture if you’re unsure of the deceased’s religion; it could come across as disrespectful to the family. Consider taking a quote from a movie, song, or book that you and the deceased both enjoyed. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with finding a quote online that matches the message you want to convey.

Examples:

“Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.”  

–Saint Augustine

“The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.” 

–Hubert H. Humphrey

“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” 

–David Ogden Stiers

Some Tips on the Writing Process

For some people, the words may come out effortlessly, for others, not so much. But that’s okay! Be patient and kind to yourself. Remember that these are emotional times, and writing a message in an online guestbook might just feel too much. Here are a few tips to have in your toolbox to help make your message sincere and the writing process as smooth as possible.

Keep it brief.     

Your message can be as long as you’d like it to be, but there’s nothing wrong with a short message. Sometimes brevity is the most powerful way to convey your feelings. So, don’t worry if your message isn’t as long as others.

Speak from the heart.

Knowing that your message is going to be seen by other people can make it easy to overthink what you write. The message is meant for you, the deceased, and the grieving family. Whether anyone else sees it or not is unimportant. Don’t worry about outdoing other people or sounding like Shakespeare; take a deep breath and speak from the heart.

Add a personal touch.

One of the benefits of having messages in an obituary guestbook is seeing what the deceased meant to so many different people. The family will enjoy reading little stories and moments of the person who passed away. So, try not to be generic–make it personal.

What Not to Write

Knowing what not to write is just as important as knowing what to write. The last thing you want to do is offend the family of the deceased with your message. It can be difficult to foresee how the family is going to respond to your note, so use your best judgment.

Here’s a list of what you should avoid including in your message.

• The cause of death or medical details.
• Complaints about how the memorial or funeral is being handled.
• Offensive language.
• Mentions of inheritance.
• Religious messages (if the deceased wasn’t religious or if you don’t know the faith of the family).

Final Thoughts

Writing a message for a loved one who has passed or for the grieving family is a heavy task. If you’re struggling to find the right words, remind yourself that you’re not the only one who doesn’t know exactly what to say. Be patient and kind to yourself as the words slowly come to you. At the end of the day, there are no expectations of what you should write. So, whether you create a full tribute or simply put down your name, do what feels best to you.